


I'll Take What I Can Get

by dafeedil



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Blow Jobs, Casual Sex, Dry Humping, Friends With Benefits, Frottage, Grinding, Hand Jobs, Implied Calum Hood/Ashton Irwin, Jealousy, Luke loves Michael, M/M, Michael loves someone else, Muke - Freeform, Pining, Sexual Content, Temporarily Unrequited Love, and it's a hot mess, but also kind of loves Luke, but not til later, except it's not as casual for luke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-09
Updated: 2014-11-09
Packaged: 2018-02-24 15:55:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2587277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dafeedil/pseuds/dafeedil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And it's kind of in that moment, when they're just staring into each other's eyes, that Luke realizes he might be in love with the older boy. Well, maybe not love. But he definitely likes him a whole lot and just wants to slot their lips together with a final push forward but then he remembers Michael has just been through a break up, and that just wouldn't be right.</p><p>Except now Michael is making that push forward himself, and Luke sort of forgets his inward conflict because he's willing to take what he can get when it comes to his best friend.</p><p>-or-</p><p>
  <em>The one where Luke and Michael are best friends that use each other for sex, but two totally different reasons, and eventually it turns toxic for everyone involved.</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll Take What I Can Get

**Author's Note:**

> title from Secondhand by Cassadee Pope, the song that stemmed the general idea for this fic
> 
> Also, Michael's hair color is in a totally random order, and not at all sequential. Yeah.

Luke has known Michael Clifford since year six. They were once partnered up on a science project, the objective being to make a three dimensional cell model. Luke ended up doing most of the work himself, of course, because Michael was just a dorky kid who thought he was way too cool to bother with something as boring as coloring the mitochondria like Luke asked him to.

It was kind of in that moment of overwhelming frustration at the slightly older boy that Luke realized he enjoyed their contrasting attitudes. He invited Michael to spend the night for the first time that weekend, and the boy just shrugged and nodded in response.

It was good enough of an answer for Luke, who just happily went back to coloring the mitochondria himself, while Michael screwed around rearranging the styrofoam cut outs.

\-----

That Friday night, they're sprawled out on Luke's bedroom floor, a half eaten pizza laying between them alongside a couple empty Dr. Pepper cans. Michael belches, and the younger boy just scrunches his nose up at the sound, mumbling a soft "gross" under his breath. It's entirely hypocritical, because not even five minutes later, Luke emits a burp twice the volume of Michael's. 

Michael sits up and kind of quirks an eyebrow, impressed.

And it's kind of in  _that_ moment of approval from Michael that Luke realizes he likes impressing the older boy, and that he wouldn't mind doing it a lot more often.

"Nice, Hemmings," is all Michael says before laying back down.

 

* * *

 

In year eight, Michael and Luke are sitting on the bleachers after gym class, watching as a couple guys are held back a few minutes before the next class for mouthing off. The pair snicker as the guys fall to the ground for some push-ups, but immediately jump off the back of the stands when the coach gives them a warning stare.

Luke lands first, helping Michael down so he doesn't hurt his ankles like Luke sort of did. His heart picks up just by a millisecond when their hands connect, but it's gone along with the boy's hand once he lands safely.

They're beginning to walk back towards the locker rooms when suddenly Michael is yanking Luke around the corner of the building, hidden from view from the courtyard.

"Michael, what the--" Luke begins to let out some seriously sassy remark, but Michael just plasters a hand firmly to Luke's mouth.

It's kind of in that moment that Luke realizes he really likes having his best friend this close, even though maybe he shouldn't. It's just that his voice is low and he looks a little flustered and Luke thinks it's way cute, even though Michael would pout if Luke told him that.

"It was her." Michael whispers, and Luke just shakes his head, confused.

"Her who?"

Michael looks a little exasperated then, peeking around the corner. His eyes widen a little and he swoops back behind cover, but then a feminine voice is calling out.

"Michael? Was that you?" This  _her_ asks, and Michael's whole demeanor changes when he hears her. He looks nervous, and it makes Luke feel a little uneasy. He's never seen Michael act this way about anything, or anyone for that matter.

Michael releases a profanity under his breath, and Luke smacks the boy's arm for the bad language. He only receives an eye roll in return, and Luke thinks with the amount of times Michael rolls his eyes on a daily basis, he's bound to pop them out of his skull sometime soon.

The older boy turns around the corner, a nervous smile etching itself on his face. He can't see it too well from this angle behind the boy, but Luke gets little butterflies in his stomach as he imagines that bashful smile being directed at  _him._

"Hey, Julie," Michael says, and Luke's eyes widen to twice their size, because  _Julie_? She's literally the most popular girl in their year, and she  _knew Michael_. He peers around the corner to see his friend has taken a couple steps in her direction, and when she skips up to only a foot away from Michael, Luke notices that it's definitely Julie Sawyer.

Her short brown hair is cropped just above her shoulders, and when she tucks a chunk behind her ear, Luke can see her eyes of the same color sparkle when she looks up at Michael.

It's kind of in that moment that Luke realizes despite their popularity status differences, the two of them really like each other, and he wonders if they've talked before this moment.

Michael leans in and whispers something to her, and she giggles softly at his words. It makes Luke a little jealous, but he pushes the thoughts away because he's proud of Michael for being so confident right now.

A couple of Julie's friends walk by then, looking condescendingly at Michael, and Luke can tell he gets a little flustered at their presence. They stop about a yard away, looking expectantly at Julie. After they something to her in what Luke can just tell is a rude tone, Julie looks back up at Michael apologetically. She mouths an 'I'm sorry' and gives his arm a quick squeeze before walking off with her friends.

Luke thinks it's a little rude of her, but he should've expected it. Michael comes wandering back over, his hands in his pockets as he watches her walk away.

"Sorry, man," Luke whispers in what he hopes is a comforting tone. He's a little taken aback when Michael just looks at him, confused.

"Sorry? For what, bro? I got her  _number_." Michael cheers, holding up a piece of crumpled paper she must've slipped him at some point during their conversation.

It's kind of in that moment that Luke realizes Michael doesn't know what he's getting into with his feelings for Julie, because if she's willing to let her friends make choices for her when she clearly likes the boy a lot, then she's going to stomp on Michael's heart again and again. He can already just  _tell_ , because Michael has completely ignored the fact that Julie ditched him right in the middle of his sentence, lost instead in the heat of the moment after getting her phone number.

"Nice," is all Luke says before walking back towards the locker room to finally change.

 

* * *

 

In year ten, Luke is laying on his bedroom floor, biology homework sprawled out in front of him. To his side, there's a pile of books he needs to cite for his English essay due next week. He remembers primary being a lot less difficult than secondary school, and he rubs his temples for the hundredth time.

Luke's mother knocks on his already open door then, and when he looks up, he notices she's holding a box of pizza and a pack of Dr. Pepper. He grins, because based on just the food she's ordered, Luke can already predict the next words that come out of her mouth.

"Michael's here," she says, handing Luke the food when he stands up. He sets the items on his bed, turning to see Michael entering the room and shutting the door behind him.

"Hey, man," Luke greets, giving him a quick one-armed hug before he scoops up his scattered homework from the floor and sets it on his shelf.

He hears his bed creak, signaling that Michael has situated himself there and begun to partake in the pizza. Luke eagerly joins him, and there's quite a while of silence as they just inhale the food. It isn't until Luke pops open the tab on a soda that there's really any noise in the small room.

Luke can't help but notice Michael's distance - not physically, because he's only around two feet away, but emotionally. His expression hasn't really changed much from a slight frown and the occasional furrowing of his eyebrows, one of them recently pierced.

"Mikey, you okay?" Luke asks, bringing his can to his lips and taking a small swig.

He almost chokes on his sip when Michael looks up at him, tears beginning to swim in his eyes. Luke immediately sets down the soda, scooting closer to his best friend as the feeling that someone has just punched him in the gut sets in. He rests a hand on the older boy's shoulder and frowns.

"Michael, what's wrong? Talk to me."

Michael sniffs a little, looking upwards in what he must hope will sink the tears back into his ducts. Luke can't even chuckle at the theory, he's so upset watching his friend fight the waterworks.

"Julie." He whispers, burying his face in his hands as he finally lets the tears flow. Luke wants to heave as he watches Michael's body wrack with sobs, gasping for air as he just  _cries_.  _  
_

He begins rubbing small circles on Michael's back, hoping it's somewhat soothing because it's something his mother always does for him when he's upset.

"What about Julie?" Luke inquires, and when Michael just cries harder at the question, he begins to wonder if something really horrible has happened to the girl. The idea is a little upsetting, because he's grown to tolerate her in the six months she and Michael have been dating.

"She d-dumped me, dude. We had this argument - a fucking stupid argument, at that - and she just told me it was dumb for her to think we were a good idea. Can you believe that?" Michael chokes out quietly.

And no, Luke can't fucking believe that. He knows Michael can be a little hard to deal with, but after knowing the crowd  _she_ comes from, Julie has no room to complain about Michael's occasional attitude.

"I'm so sorry," Luke consoles, even though he's really not all that sorry. Sorry that Michael got hurt, maybe, but definitely not sorry Julie was out of the picture. He'd been surprised when they finally got together a year after they first started hanging out in year eight, but Luke had finally adjusted to having her around all the time. Luke thought she was a little high maintenance, but Michael seemed to really like her, so he'd kept his mouth shut the whole six months.

Michael looks back up at Luke with his tear stained eyes, and their faces are  _really close_ , something Luke hadn't realized happened. He must've scooted closer when Michael was crying. He always seems to do that - get drawn into Michael's orbit - even if they're just sitting in silence on the couch. He finds he does it twice as much when Julie's on the other side of Michael, clinging to him like he's her fucking property.

And it's kind of in that moment, when they're just staring into each other's eyes, that Luke realizes he might be in love with the older boy. Well, maybe not love. But he definitely likes him a whole lot and just wants to slot their lips together with a push forward, but then he remembers Michael has just been through a break up, and that wouldn't be right.

Except now Michael is making that push forward himself, and Luke sort of forgets his inward conflict because he's willing to take what he can get when it comes to his best friend.

Just when Luke thinks their lips are about to touch, Michael stops, and Luke opens his eyes that he hadn't realized were closed. His friend's eyes are wide open as well, nerves etched on his face.

"Is this okay?" Michael whispers, looking from Luke's eyes down to his mouth, then back up again.

Luke asks himself the same question,  _is this okay?_. He thinks it probably is, because he trusts Michael to the moon and back and would take a bullet for him in a heartbeat and has thought about kissing him for two years now, but he also thinks it might ruin all of those things if it goes badly. What if Michael thinks Luke's an awful kisser, or it's just so weird they can't go back to being bros afterwards?

In spite of those questions, Luke just nods and says, "I think so, yeah. What about you? Is this okay?"

Michael frowns a little, staring into Luke's eyes a bit more fiercely. "I don't know. I've wanted to know what your lips are like for ages, but what if it's not what I thought it'd be?"

Luke's heart flutters a bit at the fact Michael's thought about kissing him, too, and he smiles softly. "Wanna just find out?"

His best friend smiles back, and Luke feels triumphant.

"Definitely," Michael says, and begins to lean forward again. Their lips are just centimeters apart at this point, and Luke's heart rate picks up when he feels Michael's breath mixing with his own. "Promise we'll still be cool after this?"

"Of course," Luke says, relief washing over him when he realizes Michael's afraid of jeopardizing their friendship as well.

Seemingly satisfied with that response, Michael finally closes the space between them, pressing his lips to Luke's.

It's not fierce, or an explosion of any kind, but Luke thinks it's probably still the best kiss he's ever received. It's gentle, tender, and careful, something he's not totally used to. His last girlfriend was always a little eager to get into his pants as soon as possible, so she was needy and sloppy and while it was really hot and sexy in the moment, Luke totally prefers Michael's little kitten kisses.

Michael's hand leaves its spot down by his side, trailing up Luke's hip and planting itself on his waist. Luke thinks it's pretty adorable, and takes to resting his own hand on Michael's thigh. Their mouths don't open, just delicately press against each other, testing.

Luke ends up pulling away first, surprising even himself. He notices Michael looks a little upset at the action, and it makes the younger boy giggle.

Michael blushes and smiles anyway, looking away bashfully. He appears to have temporarily forgotten his pain, and it brings Luke a sense of relief that he could do that for his friend.

It's kind of in that moment that Luke realizes it's probably not super healthy that comforting his friend came in the form of a kiss, but he shakes the thought with a proposition for himself.

 _Just don't make a habit of it_ , is all Luke thinks, before handing Michael a can of Dr. Pepper.

 

* * *

 

In year twelve, Luke is on his way to his locker after school. It's the last day before spring break, which entitles him to a week of sleep and lazing around interrupted. Needless to say, the smile on his face has been there all day long, anticipating the week ahead.

After he tosses his books into the metal box a little too excessively, he shuts the locker and feels a sense of relief wash over him. He sighs in content, then sets off to find Michael, who was spending the night that evening to help ring in the vacation properly.

Earlier, Michael had texted him saying to meet him at the older boy's locker, so that's where Luke sets off to. It's almost all the way across campus, which is a tad annoying, but he decides not to complain because it would just dampen his wonderful mood. As he walks across the courtyard, he waves, nods, and winks at a couple students in acknowledgement when they greet him.

When Luke rounds the corner of the hallway where Michael's locker is located, he freezes, backing up a little so only half his face is peeking round. It may look a little creepy, sure, but only if he's caught. That doesn't look to be a possibility, though, because Michael's not looking at him, he's looking at Julie.

They'd gotten back together in the middle of year eleven, something Luke though was absolutely ridiculous. It was blatantly obvious they didn't have a lot in common after their original breakup in year ten, but he'd gone along with it in support of his best friend, since he didn't know Julie like Michael did and he could be totally wrong about them. He doubts that, if he's honest, but when it comes to Julie and Michael's relationship, he's never honest about his opinions.

He can't see Michael's face from this angle, but he can see that his posture is a little slumped, and either they're about to kiss or Michael's getting patronized. When he sees Julie's excessive arm movements, Luke theorizes it's probably the latter scenario.

Julie points at Michael a final time, and it's only then that Michael retaliates, spreading his arms out in exasperation. She just puts her hand on his chest and pushes by him, starting to walk in Luke's direction down the hall. Michael turns, calling after her but remaining in his spot.

Luke quickly backs up a few yards, then begins walking forward while Julie turns around the corner, playing it as though he'd just been walking up. She's still fuming, and Luke kind of wonders if Michael actually did something to _her_ this time.

She sees him then, eyes widening and she kind of jumps a little in surprise. "Oh, hey, Lucas." She says, not stopping to chat, which both relieves Luke and raises suspicion at the same time.

"It's just Luke," he quietly corrects for probably the hundredth time, not bothering to stop either. He continues around the corner, walking down to where Michael has his back and head leaned against the cool metal of the lockers. His fingers are rubbing the bridge of his nose, and Luke frowns a little. 

He stops about a foot away, reaching out and poking his friend's cheek. Michael jumps, looking outraged, and Luke almost flinches at the look in his angry eyes. Upon recognizing the boy in front of him, Michael visibly relaxes, sighing excessively.

"You all good?" Luke asks wearily, and when Michael sighs yet again, he comes to the conclusion that Michael's definitely not all good.

Michael scoops his backpack up from the floor, slinging a strap over one shoulder as the two of them begin their walk to Luke's car out in the parking lot.

"She's such a bitch sometimes," Michael says a bit quietly, and when Luke glances up at him, his jaw is clenched and his eyes look a little red.

Luke frowns, because he can tell this is no routine argument between the couple. He reaches out, resting his hand on Michael's bicep, pulling them to a complete stop in the middle of the hallway. A couple of students are still on campus, so the hall's not completely empty, and someone has to sidestep around them.

"What happened, Mikey?" Luke pries, and his friend just shrugs before a tear escapes him. This gives Luke a conflicted feeling of anger towards the girl that did this to him, and heartache for seeing Michael like this again.

"She said we need a break," Michael scoffs, lifting a hand and letting it drop, and Luke recognizes this as Michael's sign of disbelief and helplessness.

The pair just stand there for a few seconds, before Luke is reaching up, wrapping one arm tightly around Michael's shoulders. His other arm remains at his side, despite that he kind of wants to wrap it around Michael's neck as well - that would turn a comforting gesture into something a little more sentimental, he thinks, and he doesn't really want that because it's probably not appropriate. 

But then both of Michael's arms are snaking around Luke's midsection, and he's resting his chin on Luke's shoulder. He's shaking a little, and Luke just rubs his upper back in an effort to calm him down.

"How about we do what you want tonight? We can play whatever video games you want, watch whatever movies you want, and hell, I'll even let you pick the pizza topping." Luke offers, and he can feel Michael smile and nod at that suggestion.

"That sounds awesome, Luke, thank you," he says softly.

\-----

Back at Luke's, his room is quite dark, it's around midnight, and there's two empty boxes that used to contain entire 12" pizzas on the floor. He and Michael are now working on finishing up a couple of beers the older boy had purchased them on the way home, because he was finally eighteen and Luke wasn't quite yet.

Luke's just a little bit buzzed, and he thinks Michael may be slightly more drunk, but not shitfaced by any means.

They're seated on Luke's bed, Michael laying back against the pillows and Luke perched on the foot of the bed, watching the TV screen intently. They're watching Indiana Jones, a classic that Luke hasn't seen yet for some reason. Michael insisted they watch it, since it had been deemed his night to rule supreme decision.

The credits begin to roll, and Luke excitedly turns around to squeal about the movie to Michael, only to find the boy has passed out cold. His mouth is open slightly, and Luke giggles a little when he emits a snore.

Luke stands up, removing any excess trash from his comforter before tossing it in his small garbage can. He then walks over to the TV, shutting it off manually because he lost the remote to it ages ago.

He decides to just let Michael be, instead of kicking him off the bed to sleep on the floor. He also decides to leave his jeans on, since he's exhausted and has no idea where his sweatpants are. Michael's crashed in his school clothes, too, so he figures it's not too big a deal.

Careful not to disturb the sleeping boy, Luke climbs under the covers on the open side of the bed, thanking God for the queen sized mattress he'd recently purchased that allowed him substantial room.

He falls asleep to the even breathing of the boy beside him, matching his own with the even inhale and exhale.

\-----

Luke thinks it's around two a.m. when he wakes up to nuzzling on the back of his neck. He's confused at first, like,  _really_ confused, but then he feels a hand rest on his hip, and it clicks in his groggy brain.

Michael.

Luke rolls onto his other side, turning into Michael quicker than expected. He hadn't realized the boy was  _so_ close to him, and he's slightly alarmed due to his sleepy state.

"Hey," Michael whispers, smiling softly.

Luke's heartbeat quickens a little, and he smiles back. "Hi?"

"Wanna kiss you. Can I?" Michael asks, squirming a little bit closer to Luke, and it makes the younger boy's eyes widen in shock. They haven't kissed since year ten, but the idea that Michael wants to again sends little sparks across his skin.

Luke ends up nodding eagerly, which Michael rewards with a grateful smirk. He leans forward, catching Luke's lips with his own fiercely.

It's more passionate than Luke remembers their last kiss being, and it kind of scares him that he likes it so much. Michael's already tracing his tongue along Luke's bottom lip, biting down on it softly when access isn't immediately granted. Luke gasps a little, and the action creates a space that Michael takes advantage of, sliding his tongue in to press against Luke's.

He gasps again, this time because he realizes this is a whole new type of kiss. He wasn't expecting it to be so desperate when he gave Michael the permission to kiss him, but he also isn't really complaining. It's a welcome change, he thinks.

Michael breaks away then, but instead of ending the kiss, he simply moves his assault to Luke's neck, and the younger boy hisses sharply in surprise.

"Michael," he says firmly, because this is totally new territory, and Luke's not sure if his friend meant to get so carried away.

Michael pulls back, looking up at Luke with hooded eyes, quirking an eyebrow. Even in the dark of the room, Luke can see the ring pierced through it glint with light. "Yeah?" He whispers, and he sounds a little bit wrecked, which sends an unexpected jolt right down Luke's spine.

It's kind of in that moment that Luke realizes the look in Michael's eyes isn't just sleepiness - it's lust. He wants to disprove that by saying his best friend is only acting this way because he's drunk, but Michael was only buzzed to begin with, and he knows Michael well enough to know that the boy has already slept off most of his tipsiness. 

"I...are you sure about this?" Luke inquires, and Michael just pouts.

"Just wanna make you feel good," Michael breathes, rubbing his nose along Luke's jaw before placing his lips back to the boy's neck. This time, Luke doesn't protest, just kind of tilts his head to allow for better access. "Don't you want that?"

Luke nods, feeling a familiar warmth in his abdomen as Michael's continued nips and licks ravage his throat. He's a little shocked at himself at first, damning his hormones, but then Michael is just mewling against Luke's skin, and that's probably the hottest thing Luke could ever have imagined.

Suddenly, Luke's world kind of flips, and at first he's really concerned, but then he feels Michael's body hovering over his own, and he gasps at the sight.

Michael smirks down at him, pressing their lips together once more. Luke is really fucking surprised at their actions, because Michael  _knows_ Luke's parents are just down the hall and they could totally get caught.

It's in that moment that Luke realizes he could kiss Michael forever, probably. And he kind of wants to vocalize that statement, but the words rush out of his brain when Michael tugs at the hem of Luke's shirt. He allows Michael to remove it, not really caring so much if this is the right thing to be doing at this point in time. Michael was upset all night, so if this is the one thing that will mend his best friend's heart, Luke will do it, because he cares about the boy  _that much_. 

He arches into Michael's touch as the older boy's fingers trail across his chest. Michael groans a little at the feel of Luke's skin, and  _shit,_ Luke's half hard already.

Luke feels a little embarrassed, but he's slightly comforted by the fact that his jeans are so tight Michael might not notice.

But then, Michael presses his hips down.

Luke wasn't expecting the movement, and the fucking _electric shock_ it sends throughout his body has Luke moaning deep in his throat.

Michael brings a hand up, clasping it around his mouth. Their eyes meet, and Luke kind of whimpers at the intensity in Michael's emerald eyes.

"Baby, you're gonna wake the neighbors with sounds like that," Michael warns, nodding towards the wall behind Luke's headboard. It's only then that Luke remembers his brother's bedroom is on the other side of the thin plaster. He may or may not have groaned a little at the thought of being overheard. "Keep it down, yeah?"

Luke nods eagerly, and Michael removes his hand, instead planting it on the bed next to Luke's head. He places his lips on Luke's again, before he grinds his hips down once more.

Luke shakes slightly, hands splaying out on Michael's waist. The friction these little thrusts are causing aren't enough, he thinks, but he doesn't say anything because Michael told him to keep quiet.

Michael seems to read his mind then, because he sits back on his ankles, unbuttoning his jeans and shimmying them down to his knees before doing the same to Luke's. They're now left in only their boxers, and Luke's totally rock hard at this point.

Instead of waiting for Michael to grind down once he's situated himself above Luke again, Luke thrusts upwards, and the sudden movement has Michael squeezing his eyes shut and choking out this desperate little noise.

"Shit, Luke," he whispers, tangling one hand in the younger boy's hair while the other holds himself up by the forearm.

And okay, Luke really loves that reaction. He's about to roll his hips upwards again, but then Michael is gripping Luke's pelvis so tightly he's sure it'll leave bruises. He's also pinning Luke's hips into the mattress, and it's now that Michael  _really_ starts going for it.

Luke can feel that Michael is just as hard as he is, their cocks rutting together at such a high friction Luke's sure he's died and gone to heaven. A thin layer of sweat has broken out on his forehead, dampening his hair slightly. There's only thin fabric of their boxers separating them now, so Luke can feel fucking  _everything_ the older boy is giving him. _  
_

In fact, Michael is grinding onto him so hard that Luke has to reach behind his head, pushing against the wall each time Michael thrusts so that the headboard won't wake his brother.

Michael starts faltering a little, eyebrows furrowing and he closes his eyes tight, thighs quivering. Luke's right there with him, precome already collecting in his briefs.

" _Fuck_ ," Luke groans out, and Michael's eyes snap open at that, looking down at Luke's blissed out face.

He brings his face down, licking into Luke's mouth and moaning at the taste he finds there. "You're way too hot for your own good, baby,  _shit_ ," he whispers against Luke's lips. The words snake into Luke's ears, swimming around in his brain and it's all too much for the younger boy.

"Mikey, m'-I'm gonna come," he breathes out, and Michael just nods excitedly, wrapping his arm behind Luke's neck so he has a better angle to kiss him.

"Wanna see you come, Lukey. Bet you're beautiful when you do." Michael whispers the words hotly, pulling back when Luke gasps, because  _fuck, Michael's words are even hotter than his kisses_.

So Luke obeys Michael's pleas, tensing up and abs jumping as he comes with a strangled cry. Michael smothers the sound with his hand, and he looks down into Luke's baby blue eyes that are fluttering open and closed. He's whimpering into Michael's hand, hips jerking slightly as the rest of his orgasm wracks him.

Their eyes meet again, and this time it's Michael who moans, burying his face into Luke's neck as he starts to come undone, hand still clamped firmly over Luke's mouth, which Luke has to admit he finds really fucking sexy.

Luke can feel the other boy's cock jerk against his own, knows Michael's coming because of the raspy, masculine groan he lets slip through his lips, face still buried in Luke's neck. His hips continue to roll into the younger boy's, and he bites down on the thin flesh of Luke's throat when he can't keep himself reasonably quiet anymore.

"Shit," Michael exhales, eventually slowing his hips as the last of his high washes over him, and Luke just reaches up, tangling his fingers in Michael's fluffy brown hair to remind the boy that he's still there, of course he is.

Eventually, Michael's hand falls from Luke's mouth, and Luke licks his freed lips. He turns his head slightly, so that he and Michael are face to face even though he's still pinned beneath the older boy that's collapsed on top of him.

"Hey," Luke whispers.

Michael opens one eye, a smirk gracing his face before he closes it again. The smirk stays. "Damn, Luke. That was amazing.  _You're_ amazing."

And it's kind of in that moment - that sweaty, smothered moment when there's cum in his boxers and he can't really breathe since Michael has put all his weight on him - that Luke realizes he isn't just  _maybe_ in love with his best friend, he's fucking  _head over heels_ in love with his best friend.

 

* * *

 

Five months into their first year of University, Luke is rearranging some books on the shelves of he and his roommate Calum's dorm. The disheveled paperbacks are really the only quirk Calum has that annoys Luke; the fact that he can't keep them straight or at least  _put them away_. He's willing to overlook it, though, because Calum is wonderful in every other way.

He's neat when it comes to folding his clothes and making his bed and not leaving dirty dishes around his side of the room, and it's massively appreciated. He even has the same music and entertainment taste as Luke, so having posters on the walls and music constantly playing has never been an issue.

Calum Hood is a tanned, leanly built, brown-eyed boy from New Zealand, and Luke knows he's here on a soccer scholarship, so unfortunately he has practice a lot and isn't around to simply chill all that often. It leaves Luke feeling a little lonely sometimes, because even though Michael's building is just across the quad, he doesn't see a lot of the now reverse skunk-haired boy. Michael's often out with Julie, who  _of course_ happened to be attending the same god forsaken university as them.

Luke pushes aside his bitter Julie thoughts, despite how  _difficult_ it is to do so. He no longer dislikes her, he absolutely hates her. She knew Michael would always flock to her, so not even a month after claiming they needed a break in year twelve, she was walking up to him at lunch and just kissing the hell out of him, right in front of Luke.

He doesn't think Julie ever apologized to Michael, but the fact that Michael didn't even care if she did or not is more frustrating than anything.

Luke rolls his eyes at himself and actually  _does_ push the thoughts from his mind this time, eyes glancing down to his current outfit. He's wearing a red and black flannel paired with some simple black skinny jeans and flip flops.

It's Calum's 19th birthday that night, and in honor of it, there would be a massive bonfire down at the beach. Lots of alcohol, girls, and music. Three things that Luke decides he definitely needs in his life at the moment.

After checking his quiff of blonde hair in the mirror by the door, Luke grabs his wallet and cell phone before exiting his dorm and starting towards the beach. It's not that long of a walk, about a mile, maybe, but he stops briefly at a vending machine for a quick snack anyway.

When the music is in earshot, Luke finally smiles, and throws his half eaten bag of chips in a nearby trash can. He slides on his sunglasses since the sun hasn't quite set, bumping fists with a couple of guys as he starts to recognize faces from the campus. A few girls snake their arms around him, giving him overly affectionate hugs hello. He just winks at them like the lady killer he is, before venturing off in search of the number one item on his list - the booze.

He finds it in a series of coolers down by the surf, and snakes his hand around a cold bottle before popping the cap off and downing almost half of the contents.

Luke sighs in content, letting the cold liquid slither down his throat and into his veins, and he knows he's in for a good night.

\-----

It's nearly pushing one in the morning, but Luke feels as though he's only barely getting started. The music playing is incredibly loud, but his ears have since dubbed it static noise with the occasional lyric being registered by his alcohol-impaired brain.

He sees Calum a couple times, wishing him a happy birthday followed by a drunken, cuddly hug each time he does. He's pretty sure they take a couple selfies together, but that's a mystery to be solved at a later date.

There's also this girl with mid back length hair who's found her way under Luke's radar multiple times. She's in high waisted shorts, a peach camisole, and no shoes, and Luke kind of enjoys that she's not dancing around in just a bikini. It leaves more to be desired, and he definitely desires her.

He thinks she might desire him, too, especially when she ends up dancing with him. He's not sure how it happens, but she walks over, whispers her name into his ear, and he tells her his. He can't remember her name two seconds after she's told it to him, but she asks him if he likes the song that's playing. And honestly, he doesn't even fucking tune in to hear what the song is before he's nodding and placing his hands on her hips as they start this half dance, half grind.

She kisses him once or twice, and Luke's definitely sure he gets her phone number before she saunters off into the crowd again.

He's on his way over to the coolers to grab another beer when he hears it.

The unmistakable sound of Julie Sawyer being a  _total fucking bitch._ Followed by the unmistakable sound of Michael Clifford complaining about her  _being_ this  _total fucking bitch,_ which she totally doesn't want to hear.

Of course they're here, Luke doesn't know why he expected them not to be. Michael's dorm-mate Ashton is on the soccer team with Calum, so it's a given he'd invite his roommate and his roommate's bitchy girlfriend to the wild party.

Luke knows he should probably run off, back to the girl or something, maybe take her back to his dorm and just not even bother with the fiasco that's about to unfold. But even in his drunken state Luke can't just abandon his best friend, especially not when he's in love with said best friend.

So Luke just plops his ass in the sand next to the coolers, saying hey to a couple of people who walk up for refills. Mostly, though, he's just watching Michael and Julie through his cloudy vision as they stand away from the party, down near the surf like Luke is.

Michael is pointing behind himself, not at Luke, but like he's talking about some third party as he leans down further into her face, voice raising a few octaves, and if Luke was paying closer attention he could probably make out the words.

Julie puts her hand on her hips, shaking her head and looking away from her boyfriend. Luke perks up a little, watching more closely as Michael grabs her arm firmly and  _whoa_ , Luke thinks,  _easy Mikey_.

She just tears herself away, exploding some profanities at the skunk haired boy. Michael looks only slightly taken aback, before he's shoving his hand up by her face as though to shut her up. He shakes his head, clearly exhausted and broken down. Her mouth gaps at whatever he's saying, and then she's yelling again, short brown hair falling out of her ponytail in small strands. Michael just pushes past her, walking down the strip of beach, not looking back when she crosses her arms and watches him, feet still firmly planted in her spot. She's stopped yelling, though, which is probably a good thing.

Before he really knows what he's doing, Luke is jumping to his feet, staggering a little as his brain adjusts to the new upright position. He begins this weird power walk as he starts after Michael.

His presence alarms Julie, who he actually forgot he'd have to pass by in order to follow Michael. She looks even more annoyed than she did before once she recognizes him, but the feeling is mutual, so Luke's not really all that offended.

"What do  _you_ want?" She snaps at him, and he simply rolls his eyes because she's just so ridiculous.

"Relax, I'm not here for you," he tells her, pointing at the silhouette of a retreating Michael. "I'm here for him."

Julie doesn't follow his finger, just narrows her eyes a bit. "Of course you are," she accuses. "You always come running to his rescue, don't you, Lucas?"

He doesn't even bother to correct her on the topic of his name this time, instead scoffing in her general direction. "Well, if I didn't, he'd have no one. Because you sure as hell won't try to save him, will you, Julie?"

She bites the inside of her cheek at his words, which Luke is a little surprised he's emitted, if he's honest. It's not like him to talk like this to anyone, but he blames the alcohol, of course he does.

"Fuck off, Lucas, I love him." Julie says sternly, and even though she's this raging bitch who can't even get his name preference right, Luke believes her. He believes her because of the way her eyes light up when she says she loves him, and the way she looks a little lost without Michael right now. He believes her because he feels the exact same way about the exact same boy.

"I know you do," Luke whispers, before smiling sadly. "But you broke his heart again, I can tell. And it's always me who has to fix it, Julie. Me, every time, because you're so destructive."

He doesn't wait for a response, just starts down the beach with his hands buried deep in his pockets. It's a little chilly now that the bonfire is out of range, but warmth washes over him when he sees Michael sitting in the sand with his knees tucked to his chest. The boy doesn't even flinch when Luke plops down next to him, disturbing the sand only slightly.

Michael's eyes are cast out over the water, and Luke follows his gaze, taking in the midnight blue color of it. He thinks it's beautiful, but not nearly as breathtaking as the boy to his right.

Luke extends a hand, and Michael looks down at the pale skin resting on the sand. After a seconds hesitation, he reaches down and clasps it with his own. Luke revels in the sudden heat between their palms, smiling despite his attempts to repress it.

"And this time?" Luke questions, and although it's a vague inquiry, the tensing up of the boy beside him tells Luke he knows exactly what's being asked of him.

Michael clears his throat softly, seemingly not trusting himself to speak above a quiet murmur. "She said no."

Luke tenses up a little, looking to his best friend in panic. "What are you talking about?" Michael looks quite shocked, and Luke makes a mental note to dial back the desperation in his tone.

He hesitates, and Luke frowns deeper at the lack of immediate response. Luke kind of feels like he's going to throw up, but he tries to conceal it.

"I asked her to marry me, Luke."

Luke inhales sharply, a feeling equating to a knife puncturing his chest suddenly overtaking his body at the words. "You...holy shit, Mikey, why?"

Michael raises an eyebrow, looking at Luke with red eyes and tear stained cheeks. "Because I'm in love with her, Luke, I don't unders--"

Luke shakes his head, cutting the older boy off. "No, no, I mean...why didn't you _tell_ me? I'm your best friend, why didn't you tell me you were planning to propose?"

The skunk haired boy shrugs, looking back at the water. "Because I never  _was_ planning to propose. We were just walking out here, and I...asked. Didn't even have a ring. I just asked her to do it, to marry me. Thought it would be a definite yes." He sighs again, shakily. "She said no."

Luke bites his lip. His heart's kind of aching for a whole new reason now, and he leans his head on Michael's shoulder, squeezing the hand he almost forgot he was still holding.

"I'm so sorry, Mikey," he whispers into the night air, and although there's no vocal response, he knows Michael acknowledged his words because the boy's head leans down and rests on top of Luke's.

\-----

Three days have passed since Calum's birthday bonfire, and Luke is folding his recently washed laundry in the dorm's facilities when he gets a text from Michael. It's simple, asking the younger boy to come over ASAP because he's got pizza and Dr. Pepper and movies just like in the good old days of secondary school. So of course, Luke eagerly accepts the invitation and throws the clothes in a basket haphazardly before speeding back up to his room.

Calum is there, laying on his bed with his foot elevated on a stack of pillows and a miserable look on his face. He'd sprained his ankle in a game two nights prior and, due to incredible pain, hasn't left his bed since it happened. He looks almost pitiful, and it makes Luke chuckle.

His laughter only earns him a glare from Calum, and his eyes widen in mock terror. He clears his throat, grabbing an ice pack from their mini fridge and handing it to Calum, who winces as he gently places it on his swollen joint. Calum mutters a thank you through his clenched jaw, and it makes Luke coo at him.

"I'm heading over to Michael's place. Will you be okay for the night?" He asks his friend, because he's pretty much been Calum's sole caretaker for the past 48 hours. He places his laundry basket down on his bed, before sliding out of his plaid sweats.

Calum nods. "I think so, yeah. A couple guys from the team are coming over after practice, I'll make it til then. I mean, you're okay if they come chill, right?" The New Zealander asks, and Luke smiles softly as he changes into a pair of clean jeans.

"That's fine, Cal. You don't have to ask my permission to hang out with people." He chuckles, and Calum shrugs, but he smiles back at Luke anyways.

"Go have a good night, punkass. I was having way more fun before _you_ came back up here," Calum teases, and Luke winks at his roommate before grabbing his phone and heading over to Michael's building.

\-----

Michael's dorm is significantly bigger than Luke's, something the blonde boy has always been extremely jealous of. There's a wall dividing the two beds, an archway connecting them. Michael's side of the room contains a kitchenette, while Ashton's side sports a bathroom, complete with its own private toilet and shower. Luke envies this, especially when he has to pee like a racehorse back in his own dorm at two in the morning and finds himself forced to run into the dimly lit hall in hopes of making it to the stingy coed bathrooms.

Luke is in the middle of complaining about this fact to his best friend, who's rolling his eyes a lot and crushing his empty can of soda. Michael stands up from his reclined position on his full sized bed, offering to throw away Luke's greasy pizza plate on his way to the kitchenette. Despite his ranting, Luke still takes full advantage of the fact Michael is willing to do the dirty work for once.

He feels a little guilty for thinking that, because he can tell Michael is still grieving a lot after his split with Julie. He does a good job of hiding it with smiles and jokes, but Luke definitely knows him better than that. Luke still lets Michael think he's fooled everyone, though, because he knows it gives Michael a sense of control even though he's actually spiraling.

"What movie you feeling up to?" Luke asks, standing up from his spot on Michael's recliner chair, walking over to the small flat screen on his dresser.

"There's probably some chick flick in the DVD player. Just play that." Michael says before flicking off the lights and walking back to his bed, flopping down on it.

Luke chuckles, pressing play regardless. He kind of wants to tell Michael not to torture himself with a sad movie, but figures Michael knows the best medicine for himself. So he doesn't bother saying anything, instead turning and tripping on an empty pizza box, which the older boy snickers at. Luke sends him a glare that he knows Michael can't see in the nearly pitch black room.

He's about to sit back down on the recliner, but before he can even touch his ass to the seat, Michael is flicking on his bedside lamp and extending an arm towards Luke.

"Wait," he says softly. "Sit with me."

Luke kind of freezes up, but relaxes when he realizes that must look a bit rude. So he nods, walking to the edge of Michael's bed that would be perfectly big enough if Michael would just  _scoot over a little_.

He doesn't scoot over, of course, and so Luke is forced to extend one leg over the older boy completely in an attempt to reach the open half of the bed that's pressed against the wall. This is really Luke's only way in, and he ends up unintentionally half-straddling the boy beneath him as he struggles to swing up the leg keeping his balance on the floor.

It's no secret that Luke is a fucking giraffe with minimal coordination, so the fact that he loses his balance mid-swing despite any and all precautions isn't really surprising to either of the boys.

Luke stumbles, falling forward onto Michael when the foot on the floor slides out from under him, and he's kind of doing the splits, except his pelvis is sort of pressed to Michael's, something that hasn't happened since year twelve.

Luke feels himself blushing intensely, and it's kind of in that moment that Luke realizes he wishes spontaneously combusting was a real thing that could happen  _right now_.

Instead of laughing and helping Luke over, Michael just sort of stares up at Luke's face, tiny flicks of his tongue peeking through as he licks his lips. He looks almost as though he wants to devour Luke, swallow him whole, and Luke shivers under the thick intensity of his gaze.

"Cold?" Michael smirks, eyes flicking from Luke's eyes down to his mouth and holding there.

It's kind of in that moment that Luke realizes what's happening. He doesn't know why he didn't detect it in Michael's text earlier, but the light bulb is definitely brightening now.

This is how Michael heals. He takes all this raw emotion he has and puts it towards Luke, and apparently Luke is just now figuring this out. He supposes he kind of knew back in year ten, but it makes much more sense now, just three days after what Luke wants to assume is Julie and Michael's final separation.

What's even worse is that Luke has come to realize he's  _totally fine_ with this reality. He loves Michael, and even if Michael doesn't love him back, he can sure make it seem like he does, and that's enough for Luke. That's enough to get him through til next time.

It's this conclusion that gives Luke the boldness to say, "I wouldn't be if you weren't so far away."

Michael doesn't waste a second of time, clamping his large hand around Luke's neck and smashing their lips together. If Luke thought the kisses back in year twelve were intense, then he has no idea what to call these ones.

They're feverish, tongues colliding and slipping around one another. Michael's hand tugs at the short strands of Luke's hair, and the younger boy moans into Michael's mouth at the soft pain.

Luke caresses Michael's jaw, grinding their hips together just slightly. It pulls a soft gasp from Michael's lips, and Luke sort of likes that the roles have been reversed this time around.

Only, they're not reversed very long, because then Michael is wrapping his arms around Luke's waist and flipping them, so Luke is once again trapped below the skunk haired boy.

"Miiiikey," Luke whines, and Michael just rolls his eyes, pinning the younger boy's hips between his knees. He bends forward, kissing and nipping at Luke's jawline.

"Quit complaining. You're gonna like what I have planned way more than dry humping," Michael puffs out, and Luke forgets to breathe for a few seconds. He almost can't imagine what could feel better than their cocks grinding against each other to orgasm, but once he thinks past the 'get me off here and now' mentality, Luke practically purrs.

Michael seems to really like that reaction, because he groans and pulls away, pulling his shirt off and encouraging Luke to do the same. Luke agrees eagerly, getting tangled in the fabric as he hurriedly removes the article of clothing.

"C'mere," Michael mutters, sliding off the bed and pulling Luke up with him. The younger boy is briefly confused as to why they had to leave their comfortable position, but then Michael is unbuttoning Luke's jeans and pushing him down into the recliner, and all Luke can possibly think right now is  _yes_.

When Michael sinks to his knees between Luke's thighs, Luke actually moans out the word unintentionally. It only makes Michael smirk, before he's leaning forward and pressing chaste kisses all over Luke's stomach.

Luke fidgets beneath Michael's lips, and he feels the hot breath of the older boy against his skin as he chuckles. Before Luke can whine about how Michael only ever teases him, even when they're vulnerable like this, Michael's hand is gliding over Luke's clothed thigh and resting on top of his bulge.

A breath catches in Luke's throat, and he almost forgets to exhale. When he remembers how to do it, the breath is broken and shaky, because Michael is rubbing him through his jeans now, with a lot more purpose and it's just  _really good_.

"Tell me what you want," Michael whispers, eyes drifting up to meet Luke's. He has this little innocent pout that Luke wants to kiss right off, so he leans forward, hunching over a little as he grips Michael's chin tightly in between his thumb and forefinger. He kisses him roughly, mostly tongue and teeth but still good. Michael seems to like it that way, because he sighs against Luke's mouth.

Luke pulls away only slightly, backing up when Michael surges forward, seeking his kiss again. The desperation makes Luke swell with pride and lust, and he kind of enjoys the feeling of dominance.

Michael has always struck Luke as dominant. He casts this large shadow, seemingly in control all the time and always the initiator. Back when he nearly manhandled his way on top of Luke as they thrust desperately against each other last year, Luke swore the guy was the most dominant person he'd ever met. And even just five minutes ago, when Michael had flipped them and taken charge of their kissing, Luke had felt that same feeling of submission rush through himself. He didn't mind being submissive, not by any means, especially not for Michael.

But having Michael flailing for a command, for a kiss, for  _Luke_...well, shit. It's like the polar opposite of being submissive.

Luke feels on top of the world, and it's totally strange. Michael just looks so pretty down on his knees, and it makes the younger boy even harder still.

"Want to fuck your mouth," Luke decides, cooing into the small space between their lips, and Michael sucks in the air almost as soon as it leaves Luke's mouth. It's incredibly sexy, Luke thinks, squirming a little.

Michael closes his eyes and shudders at the words, before nodding enthusiastically and muttering "yeah, fuck, okay."

The skunk haired boy claws at the waistband of Luke's jeans and boxers simultaneously, and Luke lifts his hips to assist Michael in sliding them down to his ankles.

He expects Michael to falter a little when his eyes land on Luke's dick - because this is the first time he's actually  _seen_ it like this, all red and swollen and all for Michael - but all the boy does is moan, wrapping his fingers around the base and stroking softly. Luke leans back into the chair, head lolling backwards as his mouth gapes. He's always wanted Michael's hands on him like this, and the real thing is  _so much_ better than anything he's ever conjured up in his mind.

Luke's eyes flutter closed when Michael leans forward, opening his mouth over the head and lowering himself down. The wet heat is almost unbearable, but Luke represses the animalistic growl that comes close to ripping out of his chest.

"Oh, fuck, Michael," Luke whispers, hand snaking down and gripping the boy's hair tightly. It causes Michael to groan around the cock in his mouth, and the vibrations have Luke practically writhing in his seat.

Michael doesn't go down very far, just lowers himself a couple of inches before pulling back and repeating the motion. His hand is thoroughly covering what he isn't taking into his mouth, and it feels amazing, of course it does, but Luke decides this is really no time for teasing or dragging it out.

"Little more, baby," Luke says, hips twitching up just slightly. Michael pulls back right as he does so, though, and Luke really doesn't achieve anything with the attempt. "C'mon, angel. Take a little more for me."

Michael shrugs, and it's so fucking cocky that Luke almost yells at him, but decides better of it because yelling might result in the loss of this amazing feeling around his dick. And he definitely can't have that happening since he's honestly pretty close to coming already.

"If you don't, I'll have to make you, Mikey," Luke jokes, and at first it's in good fun, but then he sees the boy's eyes darken. It catches Luke by surprise, but he uses the obvious trigger as fuel to get what he wants. "Oh, that's what you want, isn't it? You  _want_ me to make you." _  
_

Michael whimpers, and Luke just looks down at the boy, his gorgeous mouth stretched over Luke's cock as he palms himself through his own jeans.

Luke tightens his grip on Michael's hair, both sets of eyes hooded as they meet. "You want that? Want me to fuck your throat, dirty boy?"

At that, Michael is nodding as best he can, sitting up a little straighter so he can adjust the angle of his neck to better accommodate what's coming next.

Luke just groans at his actions, grabbing at Michael's hair with both hands to hold the other boy's head in place. He begins to lift his hips repeatedly, crying out when he feels his tip brush the back of Michael's throat.

He's going to come soon, he knows it. Can feel the heat spreading throughout his abdomen, can feel the tightening of all his muscles. He's teetering right on that edge, and he's in the middle of thinking he could probably  _live_ on that edge because the feeling is so good, when Michael fucking swallows around his cock.

It's that clenching of Michael's throat that does it, the unbelievable feeling practically yanking the floor out from underneath Luke and throwing him over the edge.

He's pretty sure he fucking sobs when he comes, thrusting continuously into Michael's mouth, and the older boy just moans around him instead of pulling off. That makes Luke come even harder, he thinks, aftershocks raking his body as he shivers and whimpers and slackens his grip on Michael's hair.

When Luke finally brings himself down, Michael is pulling off and desperately undoing his own jeans.

His sweaty mop of hair sways forward as soon as his hand reaches into his pants, jerking himself as best he can as he closes his eyes and moans shamelessly. Luke's tempted to watch that sight, but he's suddenly got a much better idea.

"Stand up, baby." Luke says, pulling up on Michael's shoulders. The boy looks confused at first, but stands and watches as Luke pulls his jeans down over his thighs. Luke's not surprised to find Michael's gone commando, and he laughs internally at the discovery, because of course.

Unfortunately, Michael's stopped jerking himself in the process, and that's just not acceptable to Luke.

"Don't stop touching yourself, Mikey. Want to watch you come, on me, my chest. Would you do that? For me?" Luke whispers, and he sort of can't believe what he's saying. He's never been so bold.

Michael gapes at the younger boy, but nods anyway, head resting beside Luke's head for support as he leans forward, thrusting hot and fast into his own fist. It's a breathtaking sight for Luke, really, and he'll probably be getting off on this image alone for months on end.

Michael's abs jump a bit, and he starts shaking a little more than usual. His eyebrows furrow, and his jaw slacks, little squeaks of pleasure exiting his mouth. Luke moans a little, eyes flickering from the boy's face to his leaking cock.

"So close," Michael hisses, his arm movements getting slightly sloppier but increasing all the same as his back begins to arch.

"Say my name," Luke urges, resting his hands on Michael's waist, loving the way he shivers beneath the touch. He turns, pressing a soft kiss to Michael's wrist beside him.

"Luke," Michael gasps out, and just as the name passes through his lips, he's coming hard, hot streaks shooting out across Luke's chest and abdomen. He whimpers, and Luke matches the noise as he watches with glassy eyes.

Michael collapses then, falling onto Luke despite the awkward angle of the recliner. He's shaking down from his high, and Luke kisses his neck tenderly.

"That was the hottest thing ever," Michael mutters, clearly exhausted.

Luke laughs, nodding his head. "Yeah."

Michael pulls back, looking down at the boy. "Seriously, Luke, when the fuck did you start talking like that? I could come just having you talk to me, damn."

Luke blushes and looks away, the boldness seemingly transferring back to its original owner - Michael. The older boy just chuckles, leaning forward and capturing Luke in a gentle peck, since both their lips are swollen from the earlier roughness of their kissing.

"Don't be embarrassed. I'll be jerking off thinking about it for days." Michael winks, and Luke finds it kind of comical they were both thinking the same thing.

It's in this moment that Luke realizes the movie he pressed play on has been on screen this entire time - and it's Sleepless In Seattle. He chuckles at it, before pushing Michael away from him. He thinks Michael's resulting pout is adorable, so he giggles at that, too.

"I need to shower, you made a mess." Luke says, motioning to his torso. Michael stands up, allowing Luke to do the same as they both slide their jeans back up.

"You asked me to!" Michael defends himself, a look of mortification overtaking his face, but Luke just smiles and kisses it away.

\-----

When Luke gets out of the shower about thirty minutes later, he feels like a new man. He's euphoric, clean, and absolutely glowing.

Unfortunately, his good mood falters when he turns off the fan right before he's about to exit the steamy bathroom. There's two sets of voices coming from Michael's side of the dorm, and one of them is distinctly female. It causes Luke to groan in frustration, and he rubs his temples.

_Fucking Julie._

Luke opens the door and walks out of the room, jeans hung low on his hips as he slides his shirt back on. Julie isn't too shocked to see another form in the room, because she obviously had to have heard the water running, but she  _does_ look a little caught off guard to see it's Luke and not Michael's roommate.

She looks him up and down, before turning to glance up at Michael. The boy just shrugs, and Luke kind of wants to ask what the fuck that's supposed to mean.

"Um, Lucas, could you give us some space? We've got a lot to talk about." She smiles sweetly, but Luke all too clearly looks through her demeanor. She's hiding bitterness underneath her sugary tone, and he wishes he could just punch her sometimes.

He looks over at his best friend, who only looks back with these kind of pleading eyes, but they're also cold and distant. He wants Luke to leave, he can tell that much. It's frustrating, for sure, and Luke rolls his eyes.

"Find. Good luck." He spits, and he doesn't miss the look of hurt on Michael's face. He also doesn't miss Julie's victorious expression. She's won again, like she always does, and she knows it. "You two deserve each other."

It's a little harsh, maybe, but Luke says it anyways, knowing it will have the desired effect of shocking them into silence for a minute or so even after he's grabbed his phone, slid on his shoes, and slammed the door shut behind him.

Luke's not really sure where the best place for him to go would be right now - home or the bar. He figures the bar, since he could  _really_ use a drink, but when he remembers Calum has friends over - friends likely with  _free_ alcohol - Luke decides to go home instead.

He can hear the laughter from the hallway as he drags serious ass towards the room. He's exhausted, truthfully, seeing as he'd expected to be spending the night in Michael's arms instead of walking home at nearly one in the morning.

Luke unlocks the door, swinging it open to reveal Calum and three of his teammates - Ashton included - sitting on the beds watching some crude American Pie movie and swigging back beers. When he walks in, all eyes float over to him, but it's only Calum that speaks.

"Whoa, you look like hell." He says.

Luke doesn't notice until that moment, when he looks to the mirror to take in his appearance, that he does in fact look like hell. His hair is frizzing a little since he did't get a chance to properly dry it, and his eyes are red and puffy from suppressed tears he didn't realize he'd been fighting. His lips are still kiss-swollen, but that he already knew.

"Someone got  _laid_ ," a new voice pipes up, and when Luke swivels his head to see who said it, he's met by a standing Ashton Irwin. The soccer player is about two inches shorter than Luke, but he's really built, and it almost makes him seem larger than anyone in the room. Michael's told him that Ashton is in his third year at University, going on twenty one years old.

"Unfortunately," Luke half jokes, and the other three boys - Calum, as well as these two other lads Luke remembers being introduced to at the bonfire, Harry and Niall - burst out laughing.

"No such thing as an unfortunate lay, my friend," Niall says in this Irish accent Luke hadn't picked up on during their drunken first meeting.

Calum agrees, high fiving the boy as Harry just smiles and raises his beer to the statement in approval.

Ashton doesn't laugh, seemingly sensing the tension throughout Luke's body. He reaches back, pulling an unopened can of beer out of the mini fridge and handing it to Luke with this look of empathy.

"I've been there." Ashton says lowly, as though the words are only for Luke. He offers a gentle smile, and Luke returns it.

He pops the tab, taking a long sip before Ashton invites him to share the bed, and Luke agrees, sitting down with ease because Ashton actually makes room. Once they're situated, they all redirect their attention back to the movie, resuming whatever drinking game they'd been playing as they watched.

He catches Ashton looking at him a few times, and it's kind of in that moment that Luke realizes he can't love Michael anymore - can't handle it. So he takes another sip of his beer, swearing to himself never again.

Never again will he fall into the deadly loop that is Michael Clifford. Never again will he let himself be used by his best friend, and never again will he use said best friend.

 _Never again_.

 

* * *

 

In his second year of University, Luke is finally moving the last of his items into his bedroom at he and Calum's new place. They're part of a fraternity now, a relatively healthy mix of soccer players like Calum, and literature majors like Luke. Everyone actually gets along quite well, and it relieves him.

A knock on the door startles him, but he just shouts "come in" as he resumes the act of placing clothing in his dresser.

Calum runs in the room, flopping down on Luke's bed with great enthusiasm. Luke smirks over at him, raising an eyebrow. "Comfy?" He asks.

The New Zealander nods, resting his hands back behind his head as he watches Luke organize his room. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm so glad I don't have to share a room with you anymore."

Luke makes a face of mock offense, clutching a hand to his chest. "Calum Hood, you mean to tell me you didn't love my presence?"

Calum laughs, shaking his head. "No, you know I love you. It's your constant bitching I won't be missing, though," he teases, and Luke laughs in spite of himself.

"If I didn't bitch at you, nobody would, and you wouldn't have passed any of your final exams last semester." Luke points out, and Calum agrees with that before he peels himself from Luke's mattress and offers to help him unpack. Luke accepts the offer, immediately handing Calum a pile of books and CDs.

An hour later, it's around five o'clock, and Luke's room is put together for the most part, save for the naked walls. He makes a mental note to purchase some posters or paintings sometime soon to make the place a bit more home-y.

"I think the guys are all out at some sorority's party tonight," Calum tells him, "so it's just us, Harry, and Niall. You down to go out for some pizza and bar hopping?"

Luke shakes his head no, craving the idea of some alone time in the new place.

"You sure? Wouldn't kill you to have fun once in a while," Calum winks, and Luke falters a little because he _knows_ he's kind of uptight when it comes to studying, but he's on a scholarship that he really can't afford to lose.

"Yeah, I'm sure. Just bring me back a slice if you're not too drunk to remember," Luke jokes, and Calum just nods as he exits Luke's bedroom.

"I will be!" He calls from down the hall, and Luke laughs loudly.

A few minutes later, he hears his three housemates call goodbye from downstairs, and Luke hollers the same back down to them. As soon as their car sounds to be gone, Luke falls back onto his bed, falling asleep much easier than he expected to.

\-----

Luke wakes up to incessant ringing, at at first he thinks it's his phone, but the heavy chime of it makes him realize it's the _goddamn doorbell._

Groaning, he crawls out of bed and heads downstairs, assuming his wasted roommates have locked themselves out, seeing as it's nearly two in the morning.

When he groggily opens the front door, he's temporarily surprised to see a fiery red haired boy standing on the porch, hands shoved into his army green jacket pockets and this really sad look etched onto his face.

Luke's not entirely sure what to do with this moment, seeing as his contact with the boy standing here has greatly diminished since his reuniting with Julie almost six months ago now. Luke hasn't even kept tabs on their relationship, has been sure to avoid the topic when he and Michael bump into each other and are forced to actually talk to one another. 

Needless to say, it's a shock for Luke to see his friend here, but when he takes in the damp appearance of the older boy he immediately sidesteps and invites him inside. He hadn't realized it was raining, and he sighs internally at the thought of his idiot roommates being left to their own intoxicated devices in the weather.

"Do you...do you need a towel? Can I get you anything?" Luke asks awkwardly, and he's a little saddened by the tension in the room because talking to Michael used to be so  _easy_ before Luke went and swore off the guy forever.

Michael smiles sheepishly before nodding. "A towel, definitely, please."

Luke hesitates when he momentarily forgets where Harry stuffed all their linens, but then he remembers the closet upstairs and he races up the wooden staircase to grab a couple beach towels.

When he comes back downstairs, Michael is in the living room, admiring all the furniture and figurines. He runs his fingers along the mantle of the fireplace before grasping a framed photo of Luke and his roommates. Luke thinks he catches a glimmer of envy in Michael's eyes, but shakes away the spark in his belly that thought gives him before clearing his throat and handing Michael the towels.

Michael smiles gratefully before wrapping the cloth around his body, sitting down on the couch. Luke sits across from him in an armchair, just kind of watching as Michael warms himself up.

After a few minutes have passed and Michael still hasn't said anything, Luke sort of can't take it and he exasperatedly spits out, "What are you doing here, Michael?"

His tone is a little harsh, and he honestly never thought he'd use it with Michael, but things have gone so wrong with his so called best friend that Michael doesn't even react to the cruelness of the question.

Michael just sighs. "I'm sorry, Luke. I just - Julie kicked me out because we had this fight and I didn't know where else to go. I really needed a place to stay, and...yeah."

Right. He remembers now that Michael had mentioned once how he and Julie were finally renting an apartment together. He remembers because Ashton had to move into the fraternity afterwards more than he remembers Michael actually telling him, because Luke had definitely tuned out as soon as Michael started talking about the girl back in the coffee shop a few months ago when it happened.

Luke's a little peeved that the boy just assumed he'd be welcome, but of course Luke isn't heartless, so he's not going to turn Michael away to venture back out into the rain.

"I...fine, yeah, okay," Luke sighs, running a hand through his hair, which is already mussed up from sleeping on it. He glances upstairs, trying to think of any available space there might be in the two story house. "Um, there should be a futon in the loft upstairs."

Michael smiles gratefully, nodding his head. He stands up, waiting for Luke to join him and lead the way, which he does.

The loft has a pool table and a leather couch in it, so they awkwardly step around the table and Luke helps Michael with pulling the couch down into a bed. He grabs some pillows and blankets from the linen closet, tossing them at Michael and waiting in the archway as Michael sets up his sleeping arrangement.

It's only then that Luke remembers the poor guy is in soaking wet clothes, and it doesn't look like he packed a bag of any kind. Luke groans internally, damning himself for being such a good person, because now he has to offer up another kindness, and he really doesn't want Michael to think he's stopped being totally hurt and pissed off about the night six months ago.

"Do you want some pajamas? I've got a spare toothbrush somewhere in this house, too, I think." Luke offers, and Michael just lets a little smile grace his face.

"That would be amazing, if you don't mind." Michael laughs a little, and Luke chuckles before motioning for Michael to follow him.

He leads the boy down the hall and into his bedroom, where he gathers some boxers, sweatpants, and a singlet from his dresser. He hands the small stack to Michael, before walking into the bathroom in search of a spare toothbrush.

Once he finds one, Luke leaves the bathroom and sets the item on top of the clothes. Michael just sort of stands there afterwards, and they're looking at each other awkwardly, and then Michael coughs and Luke suddenly  _gets it_.

"Oh, right, shit, sorry. I'll wait outside." Luke spits out, and Michael blushes before turning his head away.

Luke practically runs out of the room, shutting the door behind himself and sighing against it. He's literally so awkward it almost hurt sometimes. Or maybe he's not that awkward, he's just so uncomfortable around Michael these days he's resorted to this.

\-----

It's been an hour since Michael said goodnight to Luke and ventured down the hall towards the loft, since Luke rushed into his room and shut the door tightly before collapsing on his bed. An hour since he tried to get back to sleep, but found himself unable to quiet his thoughts enough to even close his eyes.

Groaning, Luke drags himself off of his comforter and towards the bathroom, opting for a hot, relaxing shower instead of inevitable sleeplessness.

He turns on the faucet, stripping while he waits for the water to heat up. He quickly inspects his appearance in the mirror, noting the bags under his eyes that are reddened with exhaustion.

Sighing, Luke turns and pulls back the shower curtain. He cautiously steps into the rather scalding water, turning it down a few notches before he finds the optimal temperature for relaxing his tensed muscles and overworked brain.

He hasn't been this strung out in months - has one hour of Michael back in his life really wrecked him this much?

Luke sways a little on the spot, before he slams his eyes open. Seriously? Was he really falling asleep standing up, now?

He shakes his head, turning around and reaching for the shampoo, which he squirts directly onto his head and begins sloppily lathering through the blonde locks. His eyes slip closed again slightly, and he's so exhausted he almost doesn't even acknowledge the swipe of the shower curtain beside him.

Almost.

Luke turns to face the intruder, hands immediately flying to cover his business. It's a naked, though otherwise innocent Michael, looking back at Luke as though  _he's_ the crazy one.

"Michael, what the hell?" Luke spits out, suddenly leaps and bounds more alive than he was ten seconds ago.

Michael says nothing, just spins his finger as a way to direct Luke to rotate back around. And okay, there's no way Luke's just going to expose his naked ass to Michael. Sure they've gotten off together and Michael's even had Luke's dick down his throat, but this feels so much different. Julie and Michael aren't even properly broken up this time, and everything's just so  _tense_. Luke doesn't move.

At the stubbornness, Michael just rolls his eyes, reaching his hands up and running them through Luke's now flattened quiff. Luke's slightly surprised, as this is the last thing he ever expected from Michael in this scenario.

Luke raises an eyebrow as he watches Michael, who's eyes are trained on Luke's hair. His fingers rub his scalp gently, nails biting in all the right places, which send shivers throughout Luke's body. He's a sucker for having his hair played with, he won't even attempt to deny that. Michael's tongue is peeking through his lips just slightly, as though he's focusing that hard on shampooing the taller boy's hair.

Luke leans back, away from the touch, rinsing out all the suds as Michael just watches him do so with an intrigued look on his face. Luke imagines at this angle, he must look like the girl from Flashdance, and he smirks a bit at the thought.

"Tease," Michael says hoarsely, voice thick as gravel. And okay, Luke totally didn't mean to tease anyone, though he can only imagine the suggestive way he must have looked a few seconds ago.

The two of them stare at each other for awhile, before Michael makes a step forward, leaning so their lips are inches apart.

It's kind of in that moment that an alarm goes off in Luke's head, reminding him that he said he wouldn't, never again. _  
_

Luke snoozes the alarm, leaning his forehead onto Michael's, because he knows he's about to be kissed and he hasn't been kissed in so long and really it's all he wants in the world right now. All he wants to feel is skin on skin, mixed breaths and the tug of hair between fingers. Yeah, he could get used to that.

Michael's taking too long, Luke decides, and so he surges forward, and their teeth clack a little, causing Michael to pull away. It makes the younger boy frown, because Michael seemed to like it so much last time.

"No, like this," Michael murmurs, gently caressing the back of Luke's neck as he leans up, tilting his head and oh-so-softly pressing their open mouths together. There's nothing but the feel of the hot water cascading down his back and the gentle slide of Michael's tongue against his own, Luke is so lost in that kiss. He doesn't hear anything, and after awhile he thinks he can't even feel anything besides Michael's body cozied up against his own.

Luke kisses back the same way, complimenting each of Michael's movements with a trick of his own, and shortly after he can feel himself hardening against Michael's stomach. The older boy just smirks against his lips, hand snaking down to wrap around Luke's growing erection.

The alarm goes off again, and Luke just  _slams_ the snooze button, because _god,_ did he love the feeling of Michael's calloused hand wrapped around his cock. He moans quietly against the boys lips, relishing in the way he swallows them, the sound transferring from one mouth to another without even escaping into the air around them.

Michael grips Luke's hips then, twisting them in this way that Luke realizes means Michael wants him to spin around. He obliges much more quickly this time, turning and placing his hands against the slippery wall of the shower.

Michael's hand wraps around Luke's front, firmly grasping his cock and stroking with much more purpose this time. Luke bites his lip at the sensation, newly acquired lip ring sucking in behind his teeth. Michael places open mouthed, sloppy kisses all over Luke's back, muttering repeated sweet nothings against the skin he touches.

The alarm goes off yet another time, but Luke's too far gone. He knows it's wrong. He's using Michael and Michael is using him right back, but they both just  _need_ each other. Luke doesn't even know what he feels towards the boy anymore, if he even has anything left to feel. He's so worn down from chasing after Michael, who's just been running back to Julie the entire time Luke's been trying to catch up. And Luke's accepted that. He doesn't love it, but he's come to terms with it. He'll take what he can get.

"I'm close, Mikey," Luke chokes out without even realizing, and he feels Michael nod behind him, whispering out profanities as he speeds up the jerks of his wrist around Luke, and it's then that Luke realizes Michael's jerking himself at the same time now, getting off on Luke's sounds alone.

And then Luke is coming, almost embarrassingly soon, but he hasn't gotten off in days and so he comes hot and heavy over Michael's hand and the shower wall, feels Michael do the same across his lower back, water washing away the evidence of their actions almost immediately. Luke wants to think it's so he can pretend that didn't actually  _just happen_.

After a long minute, Luke finally turns and faces Michael, and the regretful look on his face tells Luke he shouldn't have ignored the alarm, he should've listened to himself.

"You...we shouldn't have done that." Luke says.

The water still trickles down around them, and Luke just stares at Michael, pleading with him to say something. It's unbearably silent, but then Michael finally whispers, "M'sorry."

Luke closes his eyes, shaking his head in disbelief.

Michael whimpers, hands reaching out to stop Luke as he steps around Michael and out of the shower. Luke shoves the touch away, wrapping a towel low around his hips and storming out of the bathroom.

Of course it meant nothing. What's more impersonal than a desperate handjob up against the wall of a shower so you don't even have to look your partner in the eye? Luke can't think of a single thing. And he knows he's not innocent in all of this, but it still hurts.

The sound of the water shuts off, and seconds later Michael is exiting the bathroom, making a beeline for Luke.

Luke holds his ground, staring daggers at the older boy who looks about ready to burst with rage. "No, no," Luke growls. "Don't even."

Michael rolls his eyes. "What's your deal, Luke? I'm  _sorry_. I thought there was an understanding here, with this." The red haired boy motions between them, and Luke scoffs.

"An  _understanding_? I don't understand a fucking  _thing_ when it comes to this clusterfuck of a friendship, Michael!" Luke's voice cracks, and it's only then that he realizes he's fighting tears. "I care about you, Mikey, I really think that I do, but I'm so tired."

Michael falters, expression shifting from annoyance to one of not quite curiosity, but borderline confusion. "Tired of what, Luke?"

The younger boy sighs, running a hand through his dampened hair. "I'm tired of being this...this  _object_ you come running back to every time that girl breaks you down. I can't do it anymore, because it's always going to be here, Michael. As much as I have tried to convince myself that one day you might not run back to her, that you might conjure up an ounce of feelings for me, that you might finally pick me...I know it's not logical. Because it will  _always fucking be her_." 

The older boy looks genuinely shocked, eyes searching Luke's and for the first time in his entire life, Luke Hemmings sheds a tear in front of Michael Clifford. It's entirely degrading, watching as Michael fights himself on whether or not to wipe it away. Luke thinks he might base his entire life on whatever Michael decides to do in that moment.

"I didn't know, Luke," is all Michael says, stepping forward and swiping the tear away with his thumb, and that's it, Luke's hopelessly lost again. "I'm sorry. Never again, okay? I won't hurt you."

And despite his better judgement, Luke kisses him.

It's a good thing Luke can take the tears, because it's probable that Michael will be the death of him.

\-----

It's pushing four in the morning when the call comes. Calum and the rest of Luke's roommates are still out at parties, at least to Luke's knowledge.

Michael is on top of Luke, hand caressing up the younger boy's thigh and digging into his hip. Their lips are fiercely connected, low groans and whimpers escaping each of them every few seconds. Luke's legs are bent and spread to accommodate Michael in between them, and his nails are raking down the older boy's back.

They've been tangled together for an hour now, just kissing in this way that feels too real, too passionate for Luke. It's not the rushed, get-me-off-ASAP kisses he's used to. They're real, and he can feel what he's almost sure is something close to love radiating through it.

He's pulled out of his thoughts by Michael's ringtone, some cheesy song that Luke doesn't even think to associate with anyone at first, but when Michael tenses above him, lips pulling back from Luke's in surprise, he realizes who the ringer belongs to.

"No way," Luke says flatly, hands falling limply from Michael's body when the boy pushes himself up and across the room to answer his cell.

"Julie? It's late, I'm--" He cuts himself off, or maybe she cuts him off, Luke can't really tell.

Luke sits up on his elbows, watching the red haired boy across the room run a hand through his tousled mane, phone pressed tightly to his ear as he avoids eye contact with Luke.

"Of course I understand, baby," Michael tells the girl on the other end of the line, and Luke groans, falling back on the bed and rubbing his forehead. He turns his head, and this time, Michael is staring right at him, their eyes locking. "I'm sorry, too."

Luke shakes his head, peeling himself from the bed and pulling on his shirt before stomping past Michael and into the bathroom. He slams the door behind him, pulling himself up onto the counter, fighting the urge to scream.

A few minutes later, there's a soft rapping on the bathroom door. Luke ignores it, but then it's opening anyway, and Luke can't believe he actually forgot to lock the only barrier between him and the boy he hates most in the world right now.

"Luke," Michael says, stepping into the room. Luke looks up at him, and he can tell that Michael actually  _does_ look as torn as he sounds. "I'm...thanks for letting me stay here, but, I'm..." He trails off, thinking he doesn't need to explain further.

And really, he doesn't, but Luke decides he needs to hear it anyway.

"Just say it." Luke breathes out, exasperated.

Michael bites his lip, eyes pleading, but Luke glowers at him, demanding an answer with the force of the gaze.

"I'm going to go back home," Michael tells him softly.

Luke exhales slowly, looking down at his thumbs and blinking away the tears when they fog and blur his vision. He hops down from the counter then, scooping up the clothes he'd loaned Michael from the bathroom floor and tossing them at the boy's chest.

"Keep these," Luke spits, pushing his way past the boy and back into his bedroom, where he grabs Michael's damp clothes from the spot he'd discarded them when changing earlier. He flings those at Michael as well, probably with more force than necessary.

"Luke, don't be like this." Michael says, and it causes Luke to halt in his tracks, turning and glaring at the older boy.

"Don't  _be like this_? Are you fucking serious with that?  _Don't be like this_?" Luke's voice raises a few octaves, and he decides now is the time he's got to get it off his chest. It's been too long a time coming, and Michael is sitting here willing to take it. So Luke finally lets it all out.

"Did you know I used to think I was in love with you? That I used to get all fluttery back in year nine when you'd look at me in this way of yours - like I was everything to you? And then the first time you kissed me, remember that? Right after Julie wrecked you the first time? Then I just  _knew_ I was gone, that you'd have me forever. And you  _did_ , Mikey, you had my heart, all the way up until six months ago when you looked at me like I was  _nothing_ to you. Your best friend, and you looked at me like I held no meaning. I could handle the unrequited love, I've accepted that part. But you made a promise to me not even an hour ago that you'd never hurt me again. And now you're looking at me like you did six months ago, like I'm some object and not the boy who's always been there for you, no matter what, and I'm more hurt than ever. And I know now that I definitely, do  _not_ fucking love you anymore. I don't even know you, Michael. I don't  _want_ to know you."

Luke barely gets it out, but when he does, his cheeks are damp with tears and Michael's mouth is gaping like a fish, trying to find words to reply with.

"Luke, I'm so--"

"You're not sorry," Luke cuts him off. "But that's okay. I understand, because I used you, too. We both just...used each other."

Michael looks at him blankly, words sinking in, and he doesn't fight them because Luke can tell he knows they're true.

"Michael, get out of my house, okay?" Luke asks again, looking down at his feet. "And don't come back, please, ever. For me."

\-----

Luke hasn't moved from his bed since Michael walked out of the house five hours ago. He doesn't know how he hasn't gotten stiff limbs, because he hasn't even rolled over, he doesn't think.

He sort of feels like he's dying, like a part of his chest has been ripped out. He feels stepped on and completely exhausted, all at once.

His eyes aren't focused on anything, just sort of darting around the room but never adjusting, each item in the small space blurred out as he passes over them.

Luke's pretty sure he  _is_ dying, because  _Julie won again._

He keeps replaying his last moment with Michael. He knows the older boy will abide by his wishes to never come back, because that's how Michael operates. If you tell him to stay away, he will, unless you plead for his return. Luke doesn't think he could handle calling Michael back.

Luke doesn't even move when his bedroom door creaks open, light from the hallway illuminating his room a bit more than it already is from the sun streaming in through the blinds.

"Lukey?" Comes the soft, morning voice of a sleepy Ashton Irwin. The sound makes Luke smile, and he can't believe he's capable of such a thing right now.

However, Luke still doesn't roll over. His back is facing the door and Ashton probably thinks he's asleep, but he doesn't bother to make any movements to give away that he's even alive.

The door creaks closed, and at first Luke thinks he's been left alone again, and he's half relieved. He'd rather wallow in his sorrows alone, thanks.

But when there's a pressure behind him on the bed, Luke realizes Ashton is laying down beside him, and he can't imagine why he ever thought he'd rather be alone.

Luke holds his breath, though he doesn't know why. Ashton doesn't make him uncomfortable by any means. In fact, he loves the guy's presence. It's just that now Luke can feel that it's about to get very real, so he braces himself.

"I don't know if you're awake - I think that you are - but I just...I wanted you to know I'm here for you. I know Michael was here, and I know you think I don't understand what that means, but I do. And I'm so sorry for whatever he's done to you this time, Lukey. You're too good to be overlooked. I think he's an idiot for not snatching you up, Luke, because you're no second place." Ashton's sort of rambling, and it's cute, but it also makes Luke blush and curl his face into his pillow slightly. The words make Luke's stomach flutter, and he doesn't think he's had that feeling in so long.

"Thank you," Luke whispers into the air, knowing it will reach Ashton easily in the silence of the room.

There's a shifting on the bed, and Luke frowns when he thinks Ashton might be leaving, but then a sun kissed arm is sliding around his waist and Ashton is pressed against his entire backside. He feels completely enveloped, and he finds himself melting into the warmth.

"I mean it. You're wonderful, Luke, okay?" Ashton's voice is warm and ticklish on Luke's neck, and he shivers slightly, laying his hand over the one Ashton has resting on Luke's stomach.

He knows the affectionate gesture doesn't mean anything other than simply comforting Luke, because Ashton has always been an avid snuggler if someone is sick or hurt, and plus, he's been lusting after Calum for months now. Luke secretly hopes Calum will just fucking notice and ask the guy out already. The pining is a bit ridiculous.

So Luke doesn't reply, and apparently he doesn't need to, because Ashton doesn't try to strike up conversation again. Luke finds it amazing that Ashton can read him so well without fail, and he smiles uncontrollably.

He begins dozing, since he hasn't slept since two o'clock that morning. And it's kind of in that moment when he's slipping from the conscious to the unconscious, that Luke realizes this is the first time he's been  _held_ , just  _held_.

He's never fallen asleep in someone's arms, never had someone hold him just because they could, or because they thought they might die if they weren't close to him.

And it's the nicest, safest, and most content Luke's ever felt, falling asleep there with Ashton's arm around him, protecting him from anymore heartache.

 

* * *

 

Two years after University, Luke is twenty three.

He graduated with Honors in Literature, and for the last year and a half, he's been working as a secondary school teacher.

He lives in an apartment with Calum and Ashton, although the only real roommate anymore is Luke, since Calum tends to share a room with Ashton every night now that they've become, like, a real item as of six months ago. Now, Calum's old room is being converted, though three different male opinions on what to turn it into has left the room half painted, full of boxes, and mostly ignored.

It's been nearly four years since Luke saw or spoke to Michael.

Luke doesn't think it's a bad thing that Michael is gone, necessarily. Like, Luke specifically asked him to never come around again, and despite being a bit of a jerk, Michael knows when he's not wanted and tends to abide by those requests. Even after four years.

However, there's a little piece of Luke that sort of reaches out for the crazy haired boy. Only when the city is asleep, when Calum is snoring down the hall with Ashton curled up in bed next to him, when Luke feels hyper aware of the fact that his best friends are stupidly in love and he has no one, does Luke feel this tug towards his absent old friend.

He knows it was for the best, because now he's got new friends, real friends, who waited for Luke to trust again, who make Luke feel safe and loved and wanted. But he can't help but feel the need to just be near Michael, once more. Because he's pretty sure he never stopped loving him. Thinks a piece of his heart will always belong to the boy, even if he moves on with someone else.

And that's almost harder to handle.

\-----

Six months later, his chance comes.

Luke and Ashton are out shopping for Calum's surprise birthday party, which isn't so much a surprise anymore since they've been throwing him one every year since the bonfire back in the first year of university.

The mall is a bit crowded, since it's a weekend, but it's not nearly as bad as it was over the holidays just a few weeks ago.

Luke's excitedly pulling on Ashton's hand, tugging him in the direction of a little pet store, cooing at the animals he can see jumping up at the windows. Ashton just giggles, lets himself be dragged.

Upon reaching the window, Luke presses his palms against the glass, and a puppy does the same, tongue sticking out as he looks up at the boy, mesmerized.

"Aww,  _Ash_ , look at this guy!" Luke chirps, making kissy faces at the small dog. He can hear a distant yelp as the dog barks at him through the window, and Luke about squeaks with joy.

Ashton bends down, wagging a finger at the animal, taking its attention away from Luke. He smiles when it looks at him, immediately yelping at the new face. "She's awfully cute," Ashton agrees.

Luke gets an idea then, hunkering down next to Ashton and gripping his arm tightly, shaking him with excitement. "Ash, oh my god, what if we got her for Cal?"

The older of the two raises an eyebrow, gives the blonde boy a sideways glance before smirking. "You sure you don't just want the puppy for yourself, Luke?" Ashton teases, and Luke rolls his eyes because even though it's mostly true and they both know it, Luke wants him to think that statement is just outrageous.

"Ugh,  _no_ , I want the puppy for Calum, so he can take care of it while I snuggle it since I'm not obligated to clean up after it." Luke says, and he can tell that Ashton agrees with the logic of that statement in the way he nods affirmatively.

"I'll go see about a puppy, then," Ashton declares, winking at Luke before walking into the store.

Luke beams, he's  _so fucking happy_ because he and Calum have been discussing getting a pet for so long, and now he's finally convinced Ashton to get in on the idea.

He's making excited faces at the small dog, giggling at the even more excited yelps he receives from her, when something in the reflection catches his eye. He's not sure what it is that does it, but suddenly his eyes are watching the glass rather than the confused dog.

Luke spins around, catching a glimpse of white-blonde hair just as it disappears into a record exchange two stores down. He doesn't know why he's automatically intrigued, but he gives the puppy a departing finger wave, sauntering in the direction of the vanishing hair. 

He enters the record store, immediately greeted by underground music blasting through the speakers and a girl with blue hair and two full sleeves offers him an excited hello. Luke returns a wave before scanning the relatively large space for the mop of hair he'd spotted just seconds ago.

And then there he is.

He's standing by the comic books and video games, of course he is. Luke remembers how much of a nerd the guy is. He's wearing a white singlet, black skinny jeans, and combat boots. Luke can see he's now got a couple of tattoos - one some script he can't read from here, and then some solid bands around his bicep and forearm. He's still got the eyebrow piercing, and Luke smiles at the familiarity of it.

He's Michael Clifford, in the flesh.

Luke's not sure how to approach him. The last thing he ever told the guy was to get out of his house, and they haven't even laid eyes on each other since then.

Luke thinks up a couple of ridiculous, way too elaborate greetings, but then settles on what he hopes is a subtle approach.

He slides around to the opposite side of the rack, flipping through some comics like he knows what the hell he'd be looking for. This whole section is like a foreign language to him, but he feigns interest to make it seem more believable. Even though he knows Michael will see right through it.

Luke glances up, only to find that Michael's fully immersed in his sorting, eyebrows furrowing as he reads the titles quickly. He's obviously on a mission - he knows the exact copy he wants, and Luke realizes his time is limited. If he's going to say anything, he's got to say it right now, or else Michael will buy his comic and leave the store and never notice he was a foot away from a major part of his past.

Luke clears his throat, and the noise makes Michael's eyes dart up in his direction, but not long enough to take in any details. The younger boy frowns, biting his lip, before he decides to just go for it. 

"You know, I'm surprised this place wasn't more popular back in secondary." Luke says nonchalantly, smiling when Michael's head snaps up, recognizing his voice immediately.

Emerald meets blue, and suddenly Luke feels that gap in his heart fill, because Michael is right here, he sees Luke, and Luke doesn't have to long for this moment any longer.

"Luke," Michael says, voice cracking at the end like he hasn't spoken the word aloud in ages. "I - holy shit,  _Luke_." 

Luke smiles, teeth baring white when Michael drops his comics and walks around the stand, body colliding with Luke's for a tight hug.

And then it's real. Luke can feel Michael again, can smell him, can bury his face in his neck and just hold him. Michael squeaks out this desperate noise as he claws at Luke's shoulder, scrambling to hold him tighter. There's no room to doubt the legitimacy of it - Michael is here, holding him,  _Michael is right here_ , finally.

He can feel Michael about to pull away, so Luke snakes an arm around his waist, hand splaying out across his lower back and keeping them pressed together. He feels Michael nod, turning his face into Luke's hair and inhaling softly, like he can't believe it's real, either.

"I'm so sorry," Michael whimpers, and it's then that Luke can feel the dampness in his blonde quiff. He pulls back, meeting Michael's eyes, and they're stained red with tears but all Luke can think is that the tears are finally being wept for him, for  _Luke_.

Luke shakes his head, brings Michael back into him with one armed wrapped around his broad shoulders. Michael just buries his face in Luke's jacket covered collarbone, cuddling into the younger boy.

"Don't be sorry, Mikey." Luke tells him, petting his hair fondly.

Michael pulls back, face flushed and cheeks wet. "Luke, I was so horrible to you. You were my best friend and I abused that, and I will never forgive myself for hurting you." Michael sounds so genuine, heart basically bleeding on his sleeve as he speaks lowly, so only Luke can hear him, their faces just inches apart.

Luke shakes his head again, resting his forehead on Michael's and bringing a hand up to cup the boy's jaw. "I'm sorry. For cutting you out of my life, I mean. I always want to be your friend, Michael. I understand if you can't love me like I loved you, that's fine, but it's not about that anymore. I never wanted to stop knowing you, and I never should have said I did. I'm so, so sorry."

Michael nods, looking down as he wraps one of his hands around Luke's, playing with their fingers. "That's the thing, Luke. I did so much thinking that night, and I think I did love you.  _Do_ love you."

Luke backs up all the way, skin still hot wherever Michael had touched him. The boy looks shocked that he's now disconnected from the younger boy, eyes still cast down at the hand no longer attached to Luke's.

"What?" Luke asks.

Michael shrugs, bites his lip nervously. His legs fidget a little, feet crossing and uncrossing over one another. "When I went home that night. I was laying in bed, thinking about everything you'd said, and I just...Luke, I loved kissing you. I loved getting off with you and I loved that you were always there when she wasn't, and I loved being near you so effortlessly. And I was scared, but it was so much more than that, I just never knew it."

Luke swallows dryly, eyes widening a bit in fear as he hangs on Michael's every word, silently pleading him to continue.

Michael takes a few small, slow steps, stopping only when there's a foot of space between them.

"I may have loved all those things, Luke, but only because I loved  _you_." Michael whispers the last word, nervous eyes meeting scared ones, trembling fingers reaching out to settle over even shakier ones. Again, Michael says it. "I loved you."

Luke gapes for a few seconds, before furrowing his eyebrows. "You loved me."

Michael nods, a blush spreading out over his skin. "I did."

"What about Julie?" Luke asks, the name adding a bitter taste to his mouth that he hates, but he has to ask, can't go on not knowing.

"We broke it off a few weeks after you threw me out. I moved back into the dorms, haven't spoken to her since graduation." He explains, tucking his hands into his jean pockets. "And I'm so much better for it, honestly."

Luke almost combusts. He's excited by that news, though not for the same reasons he would've used to be excited for. He's not happy because he thinks the break up will finally make Michael just  _see_ him, he's happy because Michael is healthy now. Can see it in the way he carries himself, like he doesn't have to go home to a girl who will complain about how long he was out, or how many hours he's spent on the couch on his free afternoons.

Luke is so fucking proud of him.

"I missed you," is all Michael says, and when Luke comes back out of his own thoughts, Michael is staring at him intently. He nods in agreement, reaching out and brushing a piece of Michael's fringe away from his eye.

And it's kind of in that moment that Luke realizes he wants to kiss Michael, never stopped wanting to kiss Michael, he doesn't think.

So Luke moves his hand from the fringe to Michael's cheek, reassured in his decision when Michael turns and presses a soft kiss to his palm.

Luke leans in, thumb stroking over Michael's cheekbone, lips inches away. Michael's hand slides up to rest on his waist, and it feels right, like it's meant to be there.

"Is this okay?" Luke whispers, and Michael smiles, probably remembering when he muttered the same words to Luke in the secrecy of his bedroom back in year ten. Now they're in their twenties, and it's daylight, and anyone could watch them, but still Michael nods, and Luke's heart flutters.

"Just kiss me, would you?" Michael jokes, and Luke only lets a smirk overtake his lips for a second before he presses his mouth to Michael's.

This time, sparks  _do_ fly, and it  _definitely_ feels like an explosion, because Luke has done it.

He's gotten the boy he loves to kiss him like it's the last time he ever will.

All the other times Luke has ever thought a kiss held love within it, he was dead wrong, because  _this_ is it. All sweet and gentle and hands carefully touching because their hearts have been two broken halves of a whole until this very moment.

"I still love you. Will love you til the day I die," Michael mutters against Luke's lips, body scooting in to press impossibly closer to the lanky blonde.

Luke smiles into the kiss, palms still pressed to either side of Michael's face, caressing the skin gently. "I love you, too. Never stopped. Never will."

 

* * *

 

It's been a year since they found each other again.

As it turns out, Calum hated having the dog around. Hated taking her for walks and out to pee early in the morning and hated being woken up by barks when he was just trying to snuggle Ashton for another hour before work.

So the dog was pawned off onto Luke, who didn't mind, because she made a wonderful addition to the apartment he and Michael now share across town from Calum and Ashton's place.

They're laying in bed, facing each other, limbs tangled together early in the morning. It's still mostly dark outside, but gold is starting to peek over the horizon. The lack of light makes Michael's eyes look less emerald and more forest green. They mesmerize Luke, and he finds himself admiring the color every time they wake up together at random hours like this.

The dog squirms a little down from her spot at the foot of the bed, causing those green eyes to flicker down to take in the scene. Normally, Luke would follow his gaze, share a laugh over the dog's behavior, but Luke just keeps watching Michael's eyes.

"Have I ever told you I love you?" Luke murmurs, voice thick with sleep. The noise brings Michael's eyes back to his, and the boy chuckles at Luke's sudden words.

"Every day," Michael replies, smiling, hand reaching up and stroking Luke's cheek. "But I'll never get used to hearing it, so go ahead, hit me with it."

Luke giggles, slithering closer to his boyfriend - wow,  _boyfriend_ , he still can't believe that - and pressing a chaste kiss to his lips. "Well, I do, I fucking love you."

The words still make him nervous, even after all this time, but the nerves dissipate when Michael beams with pride and says, "I love you, too, Luke."

**Author's Note:**

> omg? this took me like a month to write but I'm finally _finally_ uploading it??


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